Picture the scene. Fifteen years from now you hear a knock at the door. You open it only to be greeted by a young lad performing a scene out of the Riverdance. With a quick scratch of the head you wonder what the hell is going on. Then he chirps them immortal words: “Top of the morning to ya. The name’s Paddy McGuiness and your ma daddy so you are”
This time you scratch your head more manically. Is this a wind-up? You have a scan about to see if one of your mates is hiding in the bushes. No sign of anyone except this hyper little kid jigging around in front of you. Then BANG! It smacks you in the face like a right hook from Rocky. Bestival, it must be.
Now this is not just another story of a drunken fumble at a festival. This could be the reality for thousands of students around the country. They are strapped for cash but desperate to join in the summer frolics. This includes at least one visit to indulge in the shenanigans that this year’s festivals have to offer. While scouring the internet they come across an advert that could solve all their problems: “We need sperm donations…You need festival tickets…Wanna strike a deal?” An instant reply from a small army of desperate students was: “Too right I do. A ticket to Bestival for the small price of a five finger shuffle. That’s two for one in my book. Where do I sign?”
A few quick clicks on the keyboard and your off. The application pack will soon be dropping through the door along with the maxed-out credit card bill. Assuming you pass all the checks you’re free to enter the next stage of the process. It won’t be long till Dave from DHL will be delivering your special pot along with a selection of ‘reading material.’ “I’ll be in the van, you’ve got five minutes lad. Can’t wait no longer, off to Wakefield next.” No worries Dave, I’ll be back in a jiffy.
Now whoever thought of this idea clearly didn’t think it through. First of all there is the slight sexist issue. Do girls not like music? Or is that offer forthcoming? Maybe they’re just worried that they will put all their eggs in one basket, and that could be a messy affair.
There also seems to be a distinct lack of good morals. Just because the Irish sperm banks are struggling doesn’t mean they should take advantage of the poor. Aiming to seduce students who would sell their big toes for a pot noodle is just wrong. And why target the festival goers anyway? The majority are beer swigging, drug fuelled, party animals that have a forty a day fag habit. Surely that is not the ideal profile of a donor.
That’s not to say that the campaign was a failure. So many people have replied that the site has had to close down and have a re-think. A quick meeting and they’re ready for some more promotion. The next advert reads: “We need sperm donations…You need crack…Wanna strike a deal?”
No comments:
Post a Comment